Mentally sick persons need sympathy, love and care. Ever thought of his/ her life- partner? Probably, the least discussed issue!
The worst ever
moment in life would be that when you realize your spouse is seriously insane.
You will cry,
in silence, the most helpless way. Once you come out of all those initial
responses such as blaming the God, cursing yourself, suspecting the diagnosis
etc., your question to the Psychiatrist would be: “Is it curable?”. You are
lucky, if the answer is affirmative, but many are not so fortunate.
Cure
depends on many factors such as the nature of the disease, the patient’s
adherence to medicines, the partner’s support, and in many cases, the sincere
support from the patient’s own family. As a matter of fact, the stigma still
exists. So, you may get the next shock when your spouse’s family declares that
he/ she is perfectly alright! Be prepared for an array of allegations to
follow. Except a few, his/ her relatives may come forward to victimize you,
alleging even you are abnormal. Try to accumulate will power. You are further
very prone towards insult, abuse and unfair scrutiny at many levels, by the so
called ‘normal’ people you trusted a lot. Interestingly, some of your spouse’s
siblings also may be undiagnosed cases of the same or similar disease, who
would lead the war on you! At some stage, you may too need some
anti-depressants, or else, be a philosopher!
Well,
mental illness is never a disease just for the poor or the under-privileged.
Even a genius or an educationalist can be a psychiatric patient. But in
practice, if your sick partner is highly educated, it’s very tough for you to
convince others about his/ her sickness.
The
awareness of mental disorders among the common public is shockingly poor. In
their view, those who wander along the streets nude or in dirty clothes
laughing, crying or shouting are the only insane. When you say your
well-dressed, educated spouse is mentally sick, obviously his/her relatives
will disapprove. They blame you and may generate gossips which will go well
along with the concepts of emotional tele-serials. Thus “the silent killer”
wins over you!
What makes
the difference in the impact of a mental disease from a bodily disease? If one
suffers from a somatic (that of the body) disease, because of the pain or other
symptoms he would go to a doctor by his own. In a serious mental illness the
patient may not seek medical help, because the suffering is not for himself but
for the others! He/ she may never admit the disease.
Often, mental
disorder is misunderstood just as a marital conflict. Families negotiate to
sort out the matter, but in vain. Both of you may be asked to sit with a
spiritual guru or to attend a retreat. Slowly the issue attains the form of a
dispute between the families.
Proper
diagnosis and treatment is essential. Otherwise, the patient will be a “live
wire” in your life. Expect a shock any moment. Many of the patients are good
story-tellers. More the IQ, the more believable are the stories. If he/ she has
a good command over the language, the presentation would be very sophisticated
and systematic. Guys, if your insane wife goes to the police station and
narrates a well-knitted story of domestic violence, no doubt you are behind the
bars, thanks to section 498-A of IPC; no witness required; non-bailable.
(Though designed for the safety of women, this section happens to be one of the
most misused against men in divorce cases.)
Now, it’s
time to learn some medical terms, your psychiatrist may mention.
Delusion:
Absolutely false but, a firm psychotic belief, despite strong evidence against
it. (Present in Schizophrenia, Psychotic depression etc.)
Paranoia: A
mental condition in which the person shows extreme distrust and suspicion
towards others, as a result of creating ridiculous worries and baseless anxiety
in own mind.
Affect: Feeling
or emotion, especially as manifested by facial expression or body language. In
mentally ill, often the affect appear abnormal/ inappropriate.
Personality
Disorder: A type of mental illness in which the person has a rigid and
unhealthy pattern of thinking and behaving, no matter what the situation. This
leads to significant problems and limitations in relationships, social
encounters, work and school.
Tips for
your life, if your partner is mentally sick:
-
Inform your parents/ best friend,
once you notice highly abnormal and irrational behavior in your partner in a
consistent manner.
-
Put your maximum effort to take
your spouse to a psychiatrist or at least a psychologist. Of course, it’s never
an easy task. Pour your love in abundance to convince him/ her. Readily agree
to “the terms and conditions”.
-
Once the diagnosis is made, never delay
to inform your spouse’s parents/ relatives, preferably not in a complaining/
blaming manner. (If you give any hint to them before the diagnosis, the
psychiatric consultation itself will not happen!)
-
Follow the doctor’s advice, even if
you don’t understand the logic. The patient who never takes the drug regularly
may need admission in the hospital. Be prepared, although it would one of the
most painful decisions. Love your spouse, but never the disease.
-
If your spouse gets admitted, you
get a chance to visit once-a-week. On the first visit, gather all your will
power, patience and tolerance to face abuse and curse. Don’t lose your heart.
Just neglect the staring eyes around. By this time you are habituated with the
hurt of insult and blame. Just don’t bother. It’s your mission to save more
than one life. Later, you will find noticeable changes of improvement on
further visits.
-
Insight is the major and inevitable
sign of improvement. Patients responding well to the treatment slowly realize
the truth that they have a mental disorder. They identify their mistakes and
the agony created to others. Such patients stick on to their medication, attend
regular follow-up and may lead a near-normal life. Others create hell further
and land up in hospital for a re-admission.
-
Remember, sometimes your spouse’s
relatives continue to be so hostile and unnecessarily interfere in many ways.
They know the truth but keep on defending their treacherous stand. Reason is
simple: They don’t want the liability anymore. Let the patient commit suicide,
they don’t bother. But they are keen to see that you are held responsible. So,
always take legal precautions. Keep the treatment records safe.
-
Once you are sure enough that the
disease is incurable and, if his/ her relatives are hostile, then file for a
divorce at the earliest.
-
Children? Oh God…! They are the
most unfortunate, especially if the mother is insane. Let them grow up in a
boarding school. It is better and safer than living with an insane parent. Or
else, you are contributing new patients to the society.
-
Throughout the course of living
together with an insane, be aware of every possibility of yourself falling into
depression. Your frustration may often generate anger and negative thoughts of
self-killing. Keep in touch with a good psychologist. Don’t quit, as there is
life still..!
-
Keep your social contacts as intact
as possible. Neglect gossips, since you know the truth. Utilize your creativity
and keep yourself busy. Try relaxation techniques. Remember, you are NOT alone.
-
Don’t expose the issue to the
public unless inevitable. Don’t be too optimistic expecting practical help. Instead,
you may be misguided or exploited, because now-a-days tragedies are often being
celebrated! Depend only on trustworthy friends and reliable relatives.
Finally,
anyone here, having a good heart watch your friends and beloved ones. If
someone shows a sudden withdrawal from the social circle without any relevant
reason, probably there’s something fishy. Care for him/ her. He/ she may be the
victim of a mental disorder, or a more unfortunate caretaker!
(Plz share with ur beloved ones)